(side note. Some of you may take this as a complaining, self pitying-you asked for it so shut up and deal with it note, if thats the mood YOU'RE in, then you might want to skip this one :) If you feel like you want to tell me it's a phase and if i just go to the Lord things will get better....realize, i know this - im not dying I'm debriefing......If you are in a I feel encouraging and like a good friend mood you are SOO welcome!)
Sorry It's been a while! Lately I'm all sorts of busy. I don't quite know what to do first. I don't quite know what to wear, what job to focus on, what meal to make ...ugh even writing this is giving me heart burn. After my car accident my speech therapist told me that If my home is clean and organized, then my mind will be more at ease..I will be able to think more clearly, go about my day feeling accomplished, my thoughts will be sorted and the things coming out of my mouth will make sense. I won't have as much anxiety and won't be as prone to forget. (Little did she know i was listening....i may have been 17 and a stubborn teen but my whole life had hit rock bottom and I was terrified and couldn't do anything but just that, listen.) I have a moment to myself and am ignoring the chaos around me. My hair is darling in a low side bun, accented with my new poppy headband and I'm wearing my favorite nighty. Chris is in bed suuper early and I just can't seem to sleep. The house is far to hot right now - it's been voggy (also explaining the massive jumbled thoughts and the off days..) (vog - volcanic fog from the big island, sulfuric acid floating around for days now.) Ok, side tracking...ha. The organized environment. Ya. NOT MY HOUSE. It's not even organized chaos! It's like just plain ole chaos. It's driving me crazy. I have cards to make for my work, I have postcards to get made for another shop, I have letters to write for birthdays and valentines (and now all of those are going to be weeks late...) I had wanted to decorate the house with valentines items...but this silly island doesn't have the correct supplies..., I have laundry to do (the neighbors have had it claimed for days!) I have books to take quotes from and then take them to the store.., I have a shoot I need of myself for my cards, I have to scrub the tub and get bread, I have to ......ok I could probably go on ...and on....but I'll spare you. You probably wonder why I can't do these things? Well, we are moving in 2 months. So we are trying to sell some big items in the house on craigslist. That means we are living out of our suitcases to sell the bookcase that we used as a chest of drawers. Then all our random stuff that was in our fancy chest of drawers is open in boxes all over the bedroom. Those items have not sold yet and are taking over the living room. Mind you we have a 400 square foot house, IF THAT! We took everything off the closet shelf and are now BEGINNING to place garage sale items on there. I have ONE priority box ready to ship (Christmas items). Basically the items for craigslist have become places to put random things to make it cluttered. Then we have the iron board out also covered with items top to bottom. The table is a "Kat don't touch or move these papers" space. I have a tendency to clean and put things in different spots..and Chris has been working on taxes and papers for moving ect, so I get that one...I have SOO much to go through and so much to clean. I still have a full time job that is now 5 hours MORE a week (not complaining but never asked for it.) All this and my mind is filling with fear of settling in the new place and making a "family" there. It's thinking of how little time I'm going to have with family and friends in Washington. It's aware of all the demands that will be on us as we are only a few states away..and what will we be able to afford? Will we be able to make it in this state? What job can I do, I'm so sick of being a quitter! I can't believe I'm going to leave some of the best people in my life. again. Ok, if Chris has the car tomorrow, I have to delay that another day..Hmm whats for dinner tonight? CRAP! I was going to make Chicken Cesar Salad and don't have Chris' dressing!!! Shoot I didn't get Mom's birthday card to her in time! Ahhh late to work again, oh well. I can't wait to leave this job. I really want to watch Meet Me in St. Louis..but I can barely keep my eyes open! (had the movie for 2.5 months.) Hmm, I'm going to run tomorrow! Bye Bye cellulite! opps. I slept in! darn....tomorrow? Ah, I have to call Grandpa and tell him where we are moving! It's too late, he's probably in bed. Right, Kelly wrote me a sweet note back on Facebook, I have to respond but the dishes are dirty! This is my head, in addition to my house being just as jumbled. HELP! ha. So with work being crappy, the house being messy, my emotions all wired, still not having confirmation of Chris' leave of absence, sister thats always busy, friend being busy, other friend has baby, cousin has babies and cousin is in Honduras again (so don't want to bother these ladies) I resort to this blog since I've been quite good at keeping it in and maintaining high spirits (even though nothing is getting done, or so it seems...). All in all I'm still quite content. I am very anxious for this move. I cannot wait, and yet I'm terrified. Soo much to do. So little time, and SO much money to be saved. Trying to save money...I have worn my Toms totally OUT and and they stink SOO bad because I use them as work shoes...Chris is totally embarrassed by them - so much so that he ordered me shoes for the last two months of work. SAD! I have to throw the Toms out! I just will have to replace them with red or yellow? ones and will wear them for pleasure :) Today was our first day off since Wednesday - and it wasn't together. and we didn't have two days in a row...we have both been so tired...that we sleep in, eat, watch friends, maybe get one thing done, chat about moving stuff and go to work - come home, eat dinner and watch tv then off to bed. So TODAY! We slept in till like 11:30, I got up and did the dishes and we had breakfast. I did a tad bit of tidying and Chris watched his Cash Cab. We lazed and I started getting ready for the day at around 1:45. SO SLOWLY. Loved it. Did my makeup FULL ON, did my hair and even brushed and straightened it! Chris dropped me off at Barnes as he had to take care of something at work. Just me, drip coffee and "Breaking Dawn"! CAN't believe Bella is preggers and what is happening right now! AHH! hah. I'm on like page 200...so into it! I found my mom was reading "The Hunger Games" and is only on page 5, I got so excited and decided I'm going to read it with her instead of waiting to finish "Breaking Dawn". I bought it with gift money from brother in law Tyler! So sweet. Ah so that was luscious. Chris came to join me after about an hour. We stayed for a tad longer and then headed home to get dressed for our Valentines Date at "David Pauls". First time eating there, it was lovely! We ate outside and enjoyed a glass of wine. We had great meals but the best part was the three berry pie with vanilla ice cream! BEST EVER! (Since Washington anyhow...) We had great conversations and our dinner was not rushed! Wonderful evening. Came home and just basically relaxed a bit and Chris fell asleep. Ha. LOVED EVERY MINUTE of this LAZY day. Dishes and the litter box. Thats all I got to today and I DONT give a HOOOOT. ha. (PS. The actual day of Valentines Day, Chris walked in the bedroom in the morning...I turned around and he was carrying three red roses, a box of chocolates, a card, candys, and said "Your coffee and pastry is in the kitchen" :) !!!!! Ah. My husband. How he surprises me. He was an absolute doll, with the cheesy grin I saw and fell in love with on our first date 5 years ago. Mom sent us home-made mundel bread and heart sugar cookies :) nothing better. I also had a FABULOUS work shift with my new friend from Argentina, Catalina! We had a BLAST. Lots of laughs. LOTS. The other day during work I got to talk to my Aunt Vicki for a HALF HOUR!!! I miss her so much it hurts. I have worn her gold amethyst ring ever since. She is one of the most amazing people in my life. So uplifting, so sweet and tenderhearted, sensitive, honest, real and just her. I got to give her the updates on the phone and hear how she was doing. She gave me encouraging words. She asks the right questions and says the right things. I adore her. So amidst all the crazies, I have found joy and happiness. There are moments, ups and downs. Tomorrow might be a more productive day off but I don't know yet :) I've been wanting to make these red velvet chocolate balls the past two days, hopefully that will happen tomorrow, but no promises! Ha. Cards for Aina are being sold on Thursday AM! I can't wait to make that transaction! SO exciting. Ok. So if you feel like praying or sending positive thoughts our way this is what we could use them for...
1. confirmation from human resource of chris' leave of absence.
2. everything then to work out - flight, kitty housing, getting a place and a job for me.
3. everything to sell at the highest price. (craigslist, garage sales)
4. for photo opportunities to flood in.
5. for my sanity and calm heart (prone to anxiety and that messes with my memory and train of thought.)
6. for productivity
7. no more random large expenses.
We TRUST God in EVERYTHINg. We praise Him for EVERYTHING. We are SO aware of his hand in our lives and are SOO excited to see what he has in store for us next. We have been SO blessed and we Honor him for it. Through hardship and celebration we Praise Him. To GOD be the GLORY. Amen.
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
PS. Happy Valentines Day all. Thanks for your prayers. Thanks for reading my heart.
(a sneak peek image for the postcards i'll be doing for Ululani's Shave Ice)
phOTos to come of VAlentInes Day :)