trying for hope, trust, faith...

so hard. having your cards decline, knowing you can't get anything until the 6th and all that is for bills. and then the next check is all for rent. over. and over. and never having extra. and now having to sell our beach cruisers, and our things and cut cable etc. right now i pretty much want to burry my face in my my pillow and cry all day...however somehow i am supposed to be calm and worry free knowing that my lord is so aware of our situation. and in all of this i blame myself for not having a full time job 6 months ago after realizing the unstable hours that is retail. ugh.
lord,
you know our worries, our pain, or hardship. in our weakness you are strong. let your will be done. i would be grateful for open doors though..anything really. through all of it, the sinking heart and the pounding head of panic wondering how it will effect our lives, relationship etc i will give you praise. please let me give my worries up to you, and not just say it but have a peace knowing you will take care of us.
your forever child.

day one - fashion valley - 10 options - 2 possibilities - still waiting to hear....
              - craigslist - around 10 options - waiting for emails back.....

day two - mission valley.....
              - craigslist......
              - point loma......
              - midway/sports arena...

Please pray for us. Life is not easy right now. Thank you.

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Katherine of Katherine Beth Photography!!

26 days...

"I'm about to attempt something I haven't experienced in a while - sobriety. I've smoked weed daily for almost two years now and although it's not physically addicting, the habit of blazing is harder to break than I had expected. My lungs could sure use a cleanse and with the money I'll save from taking a break, I'll be able to pay off my apprenticeship twice as fast! Also, I have a nagging suspicion that I could accomplish far more with my days without the daze :) They say it takes 26 days to break a habit. My birthday is on April 26th so, starting April 1st I'm going to stop buying and smoking weed. By my 22nd birthday I want to have a clear head and a fat wallet and have turned this daily habit into an occasional social activity." - {Baby Brother's Facebook Status}

PLEASE BE PRAYER WARRIORS WITH ME FOR MY DEAR SWEET BROTHER OF WHOM I AM SOO PROUD. This is not an easy step, I believe he can do it. Ah. Tears ran down my cheek when i saw this. This guy, he is going places. 

Blast From the Past, and Pain in the Heart

I always knew in the back of my head someone may ask me. 

But with the technology of today, facebook and all, i figured everyone would know by now.

Going to a high school friends wedding in a town where several of our class remained friends and in the same town. 

It was a lovely wedding, simple, elegant, pure - soo Katie May. 

I realized I hadn't been to a wedding since my brothers divorce. 

I had heard Caleb's hardship of attending weddings, but I had never felt it before, aching for my brother, aching for what she did to him. 

A frog grew in my throat, a tear fell down my cheek. 

I thought that would be the end of my emotional surprise. 

When we arrived to the rehearsal dinner, ah it was lovely. I must admit I wasn't sure how things would be with all my high school peers there...awkward, adult or grown up...it was a little bit of both. I sat with the Stevensons, Thompsons, Amy Kaye and my parents, they were my dates :) We had a glass of wine, delicious food and wonderful conversation. 

There was a pause. 

I took a sip of wine, and there it was. 

The question I had been dreading. 

Poor friend didn't have a clue. 

You see Ava was my other half in High School, before Caleb was even in the picture. When people would see me they would know she was near, or visa versa. She brought me Jesus again, she was my best friend. We were linked...are still apparently. My heart dropped to the deepest part of me, my temperature rose about 20 degrees my speech started to get all jumbled when asked "How is Ava?" in a cheerful voice, a caring voice, a question that had no knowledge of the past three years. 

I spoke of the facts, she slept with 8 guys, she made it a game, she hid it for 2 years in their 3 year marriage. Caleb was going to forgive her, and try to work things out, they had counseling, and she continued to see and communicate with these other guys. He could no longer be strung along, he tried for 6 months and still in the end she was the one asking for a divorce. She hurt many people. She hurt me. I have not spoken to her since things were "good". I had a dream again, the same one i have...telling her off. She haunts me. This happened twice. UGHH. It was a lovely evening. My dear friend got married to a wonderful man, I adore her and am soo happy. It was a wonderful time, and good to see old dear friends, but i was left with a heartache, a mourning for my old friend that has turned sooo sour, and an anger and desire to just tell her off and really just punch her in the face, really, REAlly hard. Ah. Well I got through that night, I am sure every time after that should be easier. I hope. I am so excited to see how my brother has been healing, how he is himself again. I love that boy. SOO excited to see what happens in his life this year. 

So a HIP HIP HOORAY to my dearest Katie and Andrew, I wish you both the happiest of lives in Jesus and with one another. 

Holiday Arts, Crafts and Treats.

{i know i am soo behind - but i am catching up on all the posts i wanted to do!}

I crocheted this slouch hat with a flower on the back for my friend Ileta, bummer it was too big for her head but i LOVED the pattern. I will have to add it soon :) 

 This little crafty is self explanatory. simple and cute.

 I crocheted a forever scarf for my Maui Mama before she was going to Illinois in winter! 

{tradition - every christmas my nanny and aunt vicki would make peanut butter balls and coconut balls, my FAVorite were the peanut butter. AH. so to have a piece of them in my christmas away, i decided to make them myself. they were delicious. ) the recipie i found to do this by myself picture by picture is here.

Christmas Time with my One and Only.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME"

- The night before we brought the mattress out by the tree like we always do, we plop in a christmas movie and drift away. This year we watched "The Holiday". This is the first Christmas since our FIRst Christmas that Chris has had the entire day off. We woke on Christmas morning and opened up our stockings, SO fun. Since we both had been trying to loose weight we played it simple and yummy for breakfast. Scrambled eggs, toast and bacon with OJ. After breakfast and a little clean up we started opening gifts, ahh we are blessed. So many goodies, needs, wants...you see that red envelope on the tree four pictures down? Yes, that was the BEST gift. A TRIP to MAUI!!! Mid - January, with my love, staying at my DEAR friend Ileta's home for 6 days!! EEKK! I cried, and then Ileta called me because i didn't think they would be up yet, and I SCREamed. How CRAzy wonderful. We took a nap, and I slowly got dinner going, again, nothing crazy but still a delicious feast. Chris and I watched christmas shows on TV and relaxed, played with our new things and called our loved ones to wish them a Merry Christmas. It was a WOnderful day. Ah. I just loved every ounce of it. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! 

L. Louise Photography

We HAD to get photos of the family while we were all together, but since Chris wasn't there we didn't want anything too formal or anything, I was originally going to have my cousins take a few shots and then Caleb's godmother asked if she could since she was starting up a photography business in bellingham! Of course, I couldn't pass it up and was very pleased with her work :) Thank you Linda!

Adelstein Family Reunion!

"Adelstein Family Reunion!" 

- I was able to come "home" to washington in the middle of December when the whole clan was able to be there. I had not seen Peter in over two years, I had not seen Caleb since the divorce and was just so grateful that my husband was overly supportive of me heading home to be with my family for a brief 5 days. I was VERY selfish with my time, and wasn't able to see many special people in my life but just soo enjoyed being with my family 24/7 and relaxing and enjoying the holiday with them. I am sad Chris wasn't able to be there but he was in our prayers and thoughts as he was greatly missed. I am anxious as I leave for "home" once again in only two days :) again, sadly without Chris. I am sorry for the mix of cameras here, moms canon, mine and cell pics. I used anything I had around :) Enjoy!!

 {running to my bubba after his awful months of going through a divorce, brave man.}

{ my boys :) Caleb, Michael and Peter }

 {this makes me happy}

{started right away with a new lego game! i could stare at those faces all day}

 {baby brother michael, the tatto artist, rapper and comedian}

 {my eldest peter, almost DR.adelstein, of occupational therapy}

 {caleb :) my tender hearted, compassionate brother, the counselor}

 {mother dearest, our angel.}

 {all of us were able to benefit from peters learnings :) }

 {tradition, set up the "village" with snow, and people, and cars, and houses.}

 {tradition - string cranberry and popcorn and place it all around the tree while watching a christmas movie}

 {tradition - hang all the ornaments on the tree, together. dad always sets them out for us.}

 {the awkward family photo in front of the tree :) }

{peter}

{caleb}

 {myself}

{michael}

 {tradition - we made these when we were young, names of jesus, a drawing to go with and a verse that was about that particular name. we would pick one a night in december at dinner, read the verse from the bible and then pray.}

 {the most beautiful sight. my people in one room.}

 {a meeean game of quiddler - too bad Chris wasn't here, he looves that game.}

{isn't she the cutest?!}

 {mom made me an amazing mistletoe from the shells she gathered in maui, and i think some of the pearls where her grandmothers? :)}

 

{i got my christmas present from Caleb early, LOVEd it, a travel mug that looks just like a camera lens}

 {so we OBVIously had to go to my FAVorite coffee shop in the world :)}

{see my LENS? tricked ya huh?! it's soo cool.}

 {then just the kids went to see michael at work}

 {and met mannny of our cousins at the copper hog}

 {it had been more than two years since i've heard that amazing laugh, missed you kell bell}

{and josh treated us to some food afterward, SOO kind of him.}

{tradition - oldest to youngest - we all take a turn unwrapping the nativity that nanny so beautiful made and hand painted for us, we read about jesus birth and then we pray and thank god for nanny. it was the first time i think i have ever seen my papa cry, missing our dear sweet nanny, his mama, one of the most memorable moments.}

 {i got to meet coralee :) highheaven}

{wearing the little headband i made her }

 {caleb needs a baby. ahh he was in heaven too.}

{ brother in law tyler joined us!!!}

 

 {sequence with michael}

 {tradition - watching white christmas as a family}

 {on my way to the airport i wanted to see Grandma and Grandpa, i peeked through the window, saw this - the CUTest thing, and went to grab my camera :) Grandpa saw me :) LOVE. It was soo wonderful to see them. and I got to see Uncle Mark, Jacob, Benjamin, Christopher, Jessica, and Aunt Sally.}