(I have an actual Polaroid camera now, so someday when we decide to have a baby....I can do this!!!)
...you. That thought before you become a fetus. Before you become a baby. Before you become our baby. I don't write about this often. I guess because i treasure it soo deep in my heart. Also many around me are pregnant or just had babies....which i have been nothing but supportive and happy about! I don't want anyone to think I have an ounce of jealousy or longing for thier life. I love my life. I'm happy with where we are and what we have planned to do. I'm excited for when we have talked about making this big life decision. I have had a longing for a baby since...well pretty close after our wedding day. I think about it all the time, i long for it, my heart literally painfully aches for it my eyes tear for it. I can't say it hasn't been easy waiting. Chris and I are very excited. Very excited to see God grow this family of 4 to 5 :) I hope for Chris' longing sake God graces him with his little girl. Tonight for some reason the longing is almost too much to bear. I've been patient. Don't tell me "things change....so you better do all you can now"...where do you think we have been? What do you think we have been doing? We are ready. We have had our adventure and are ready to move on. To reality. To life, love, hardship, sleepless nights, bills, lack of dates self image struggle etc. I am ready. I want this. I have wanted this. Chris FINALLY wants this. Without me forcing him to get there. I don't bug him about it - just like I didn't bug him about wedding things. We WANT this thing many of you warn us about regardless of your issues. wow this sounds kinda harsh. but guess what. my heart. it's all real. we have been living our lives selfishly for our entire marriage of almost three years...literally. on a freaking island. away from anything and everything. just us. and our chill jobs. we are ready to live our lives for someone else..(other than Jesus...come on guys I'm talking about a baby here!) Anyway...I'm not pregnant. We are not trying right now. I am just debriefing because I am not telling my husband this and i don't have a friend to give my pity party to sooo this is this. you want gucci shoes....we want a baby. it's just not the time. AHH ok wiping my eyes, sucking it up and going to watch some science show with my lover.
everything has its own time and reasons, dear. :)
ReplyDeletegood luck and God bless♥
♥haze
http://lifeendslovedoesnt.blogspot.com/
God knows the desire of your heart. And while it's so incredibly hard to see the whole picture while you're smack dab in the middle of it--- try with all your might to ensure yourself that, one day, you'll look back on this time of your life and realize that everything fell into place exactly when it was supposed to--- and that, even when you didn't understand it, you were right in the middle of a perfect plan.
ReplyDeleteone of my favorite quotes is "when you're holding on--- let go". it's a mantra that will get you through many things in your life. i often tell it to my patients--- let go. release.
so i tell it to you too--- as you find yourself frustrated & not quite at the next stage in your life --surrender--
and watch life sweep you off your feet once again.
Kat, It will come to pass. Sometimes not the way expected. We will wait with you and pray for you, be excited with you. I love the way you share with your heart. I feel as if I have gotten to know you so much through your blog. Awaiting the next adventure for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies :) Alfie I have taken your advice and great things have come of it :) Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me!
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