i hurt.

(i must warn you this is not sugar coated...)

i hurt all over. i am a 95 year old trapped in a 23yr olds body. I ache...my back..no my shoulders..no my brains are squishing around in my head...no my arms are tingling...no my side gives me shooting pain as i inhale. My side is now tingling...feel like puking......vertigo coming back...can't bend over - I have to squat keeping my back completely perpendicular to the floor...needing water...remember to breath!! Where did I park my car? Why are you acting as if this is something i've told you before...I don't remember telling you this...why can i not feel the pain as i poke my side but feel someone slitting me open with a dagger? aching pain...can't walk in a straight line...sorry i keep bumping into you! neck throbbing....tight in knots...seeing things before they happen...even if they don't...seeing that car crash into me over and over and over. Feeling the pain of never being able to play soccer again...or tennis..trying and failing like i've never failed before..facing humiliation of loss...me - remember? The most competitive girl on the block? Remember? The Spit farther...run faster?? No...that girl is long gone..pain...oh heaven...heaven sounds soo blissful tonight. pain free at the thought of it someday. hmmm doctor tomorrow...haven't felt this bad in a while, scared things are coming back..praying. praying for healing. damn car accident. damn stupid stupid boys who think its frinken funny to play car games. Ah! found my keys! now where did i put my purse...this is my life. most days i can put on a face...not tonight. tonight i want to scream bloody murder.