he lifted me out of that slimy pit...

I'm reading "Get out of that Pit" by Beth Moore. Today was one of the hardest days I've had in a very very long time. It reminded me of the first few weeks of just living in Maui. Knowing no-one, at home alone often without the husband, without a car or comfort of any kind of transportation systems, not knowing what to do, wondering how many days in a row would i clean the house spotless out of boredom and what not, knowing that if I call Mom or any other close family member I won't be able to speak without being gushy and full of heart-wrenching tears. Ok, this sounds awful, I know...it really was. I TOLD myself I wouldn't do that this time. I was going to have a plan. Become a younglife leader, volunteer with ocean clean up, photograph my new home and make recycled greeting cards and sell them to our local coffee shops! I had a plan for all my extra time. I wasn't going to be lazy and eat and eat and eat. I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself. I wasn't going to watch tv from the time Chris left for work till he got home. This plan has mostly worked....I haven't found a place to volunteer yet, and I have yet to meet the local younglife staff....I haven't shot much due to putting the house together and just that Chris has been away with the car.    I did get a job, first training shift Monday 1-4. That is something. Ok guys I have been without work for like 3 months. 1.5 of those months I didn't want to be un-employed. My husband has been with me for 1 month every day and then 2 days a week for the remaining 2 months. Meaning I have been home alone for 8+hrs a day for 2 months and lately I have been going crazy. This is the pit I have put myself in...here is satan. Since the house is pretty much together, I have a LOT of time on my hands. I have been scared to drive in this crazy california land of crazy drivers....Chris has had the car...so I have been stuck in the house. I have been crying almost all day today and yesterday....combination of my piano selling (major reason..thats my happy place, MY love) me wanting a baby and not seeing it happen soon, financial frustration, that i miss my mommy and papa more than life itself, the reality that I only really see them 4ish times a year, my husband working a lot and then asking to go to dinner with his work people coming home even later, my period, the fact that i don't know a soul here and the thought of starting all over and so on. YOU SEE?!?! SATAN IS HORRIBLE! All of those things....self pity. Piano will destroy in the end and I can get a new one, God knows when I should have a baby, God's in control of our finances, I know if im desperate I can see my parents way more than if I were in Maui and them me, Chris had a great opportunity to meet big wigs and make an impression in the company, I can meet people I just need to join a church and see about the local younglife. UGH! hah, I'm pretty pathetic, but today I felt like a lost soul. So tonight, I finally got myself to buck it up and shower, washing the mascara streaks off my cheeks and pull out my book and bible to get out of this slimy pit. " Beth Moore says "As my grandmother used to say, sometimes we need to give ourselves a good talking to. We need to speak straight to our soul where the problem resides and say something like this: Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God. (Psalm 42:5)" I loved this. I needed this, I need to put my hope in God soo badly. I also found these words encouraging "But out of the unfathomable mercies of God, what you stand to gain if you're willing to lift up your empty hands to Him is astonishing." Just reading that, puts a smile on my face. Those are sweet words from friend to friend about the awesomeness of God. I love this next little bit. Beth tells a story about her daughter and her struggles with an eating disorder and then being a part of her daughters wake-up call..."Mother, did you know that God prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemy?" Her newfound passion had obviously led her to stumble onto the twenty-third psalm. "And get this" she bubbled. "He forces my enemy to watch as He anoints my head with oil!" The enemy had gotten one over on Melissa. She was ecstatic to be getting one over on him. " I love it. I want to get one up on Satan. I will get one up on Satan, this moping has gone far enough. I can't wait for tomorrow :) I am going to set my alarm and get up rather than sleep in...I am going to have a blast tomorrow and start fresh. I hope you all have a joyous Friday hopefully getting one over on him as God anoints your head with oil!