Do we really like the truth?

During high school I had a lot of horrible things happen in my life. I always put on a smile, said hello, asked how the other person was doing to avoid my own depressing answers. When you talk about cheerful things with people, they all know how to respond. They smile too, they laugh and leave you peacefully knowing that everything is alright. Then after putting on a front and making everything seem like it's ok, you make yourself partially believe that things really ARE just fine. That is, until you are reminded of something or the things that are bothering you. Then you proceed to go to your room or a place you know you can download the tears with no one knowing. Why is it that when we share our hurts, grief's, pains or feelings things get all awkward or are not looked upon as breakthrough but as something to push aside and continue to cover up.
Ok, so I share only the happy things that go on here in Maui in all of our updates. I end the emails and posts with but enough about us, I would REALLY love to hear how you are or what is going on in your lives. I have maybe gotten less than 5 responses from 50 plus people I send the email out to in a year. Now you see I don't bear my heart for fear that no one will respond. The fact that NO one responds? It hurts my feelings. Do my updates go to peoples junk mail, do they say "Oh Great, another update from Kat." Another time I sent an email to all my siblings saying that it is really lonely out here, and hearing from them and how they are doing, knowing what they need prayer for - all will help me out here knowing that I am not completely alone and will help me to think of others. I bore my heart. Was that a selfish request? Was that bad form? Not ONE of my siblings even said "Hey, I don't have time to write but I will call you later." or ANYTHING. Did I say my siblings? How lonely and forgotten does one have to feel. Sure you get birthday wishes on your wall because face-book gives you a little reminder, but who would remember if there wasn't that reminder? When everyone is saying "Come home, we miss you!" Why would a person want to come back to a place where not even their own flesh and blood give a rats ass.
You see, now everything I just said probably made you think "Wow, this chick needs to see a therapist." Or "She is crazy." Or "Thats way more information than I wanted to hear, I like the cheery, smiley, happy bubbly Katherine I always knew!" Are we not allowed to be honest? Are we not allowed to share when our heart hurts without causing someone to run the other way? Why can't we have a pity party every once and a while? The Lord made us in his image, he did not make us Him. We are not perfect. It is exhausting putting on a front. It is exhausting trying to please everyone. The cheek bones hurt from smiling so hard and tear ducts dry. Is it selfish to want to know that people actually care about me as I do about them? Am I just a foolish girl truly loving people deeply when they just want me to go away? That is my curse. Loving people too deeply. I don't know why, I just care. I know you should be able to download on a best friend. I lost my best friend in High School. Now I have another best friend but she is an ocean away and let me say I am not about to burst into tears over the phone. Plus there is never time to share anything anymore. Someone always needs to be somewhere, someone always needs to talk another call, someone always needs to tend to something else and I get that, I understand life. I do. It just is hard. It is hard and I am sick of holding in my heart. So Why not share it with the whole world. Thats what I want to do. I want to yell on the mountain tops. I want to scream and cry and yell. So this is what I am doing instead. So If anyone is even still reading this heart-bearing shockingly honest email think about the person that always emails you, that always calls you, that always messages and asks you to come over and pick up the phone and call them. Pick up some coffee and take them to the park and ask them how they are REALLY doing. The one sided thing wears on us. Take initiative. Be a friend back.